


Absentmindedly making me want you

by amyscascadingtabs



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Album: Fearless (Taylor Swift), Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Car rides, F/M, First Kiss, Getting Together, Jake loves Taylor Swift and so do I, Not Canon Compliant, One Shot, Pining Amy Santiago, Set right after Johnny & Dora, Song Lyrics, Songfic, this is the result of that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 13:29:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13952574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amyscascadingtabs/pseuds/amyscascadingtabs
Summary: "You take my hand and drag me head first, fearless..."The day after their undercover mission, Amy is afraid of what comes after yesterday's kisses - or maybe more so of what she wants to come after them. When Jake Peralta offers her a ride home from work, things are bound to get awkward. Inspired by Taylor Swift's "Fearless".





	Absentmindedly making me want you

**Author's Note:**

> I've never actually written a song-fic before, but I love Taylor Swift and I love Peraltiago so.. it was bound to happen. This ended up not following the lyrics very well, but it turned out pretty sweet anyway! Hope you enjoy :)

__**There's something about the way**  
The street looks when it's just rained  
There's a glow off the pavement  
You walk me to the car  
And you know I wanna ask you to dance right there  
In the middle of the parking lot 

 

The rain that has been tearing through Brooklyn today has behaved decently enough to cease its loud smatter against the precinct windows by this early afternoon hour, meaning Detective Amy Santiago won’t have to jog through downpour on her way to the tube. She silently thanks the universe for this as she’s buttoning her dark blue rain jacket all the way up. Rain and humidity makes her hair crazily frizzy, and she has no time right now for a two hour reluctant session of hair masks and brushing. With everything that’s been going wrong for her in the last 24 hours, she deserves this minimal victory. Captain Holt has left, their new Captain is nothing like him, and what happened yesterday with Jake… she can’t stop thinking about it. Her knowing the kisses were necessary to keep their cover is not the same thing as what part of her - a part she wants desperately to push down - wishes they were, and at this point it’s making her go crazy. She can’t avoid seeing him at work, she can’t avoid talking to him, and for every trivial question about a work-related issue the flutters of the butterflies in her stomach are growing so intense she’s nauseous.

They still haven’t had a chance to talk about what happened yesterday. Considering she’s leaving her shift to go home now, it won’t be happening today. If they ignore it for long enough, maybe they won’t ever have to discuss what’s repeating a thousand times over and over in her head. “You know when you told me you liked me romantic-stylez, and I never said anything? And then a year later we had to pretend to be an engaged couple when undercover and we kissed multiple times and I liked it so much more than I should have? Do you want to talk about that?” Yeah, Amy can think of less awkward conversation starters.

She’s stepping into the elevator as she hears a loud “Wait!” and someone dashes through the doors in the last second before they close.   
Jake Peralta. Exactly what she needs right now. Not.   
“I’m leaving, too.” His leather jacket is still unzipped and his messenger bag is open, as if he just came up with this idea. For all she knows, he might have. “You want to catch a ride, by any chance?”  
There is no way she’s saying yes to this. Nothing about it is remotely close to a good idea. She wants to go home and drink a nice cup of tea and read a book and forget every single detail on her personal life and Jake and that stupid goddamn kiss…  
“Sure. Why not?”  
“Great.” He shoots her one of those dorky yet confident smiles and she instantly hates herself for saying yes. _Too late now._

The parking lot is as crowded with cars as always. She walks a few steps behind Jake as he shows the way to his car, trying her very best to focus on anything that isn’t him. She’s failing miserably. Every time she tries to divert her attention to the sound of a car driving away or the sensation of an ever so slight drizzle staining her raincoat, her eyes return to him and her thoughts run to how good his characteristically untidy hair looks from behind even in this humid weather.   
“My car”, he states as he unlocks the vehicle Amy remembers once promising she would never be one of the girls in. “Care to join me for a ride?”  
“Only if that ride goes home to my place where I leave this car without you”, she says in a resentful tone as she gets in, wishing she really felt as bitter about sitting here as she tries to appear.  
“Rude, A… Santiago.” He laughs, and the sheer effortlessness of it makes Amy’s heart skip a beat. Nothing can ever happen for real between the two of them, she reminds herself as she presses her nails into her palm. There are so many reasons why not. Logical, playing-by-the-rules Amy Santiago shouldn’t even be considering it. So why is her brain picturing them both out in that very parking lot, kissing?

 

__**We're driving down the road**  
I wonder if you know  
I'm trying so hard not to get caught up now  
But you're just so cool  
Run your hands through your hair  
Absentmindedly making me want you 

 

“What do you think about the new captain?” she asks in an attempt to steer the conversation an acceptable route before they have the chance to start somewhere else. “He’s… different.”  
“I’m hoping it’s temporary. There’s just no point of my robot jokes without Holt around, and there’s not as good a potential for humor with this one.”   
“A strong leader can have other qualities.”  
“So you mean you think Dozerman is a good captain?”  
“Absolutely not!” Her words come out a little too loud, causing Jake to flinch. “Sorry. No. I hate him, and I want Holt back right this moment.”  
“Yeah, but you’d rather die before letting me put words in your mouth. Got it.” There’s another smile of self-assurance on his lips.   
“Well, you’re not wrong.” She has to look away, staring at the raindrops making their way down the car window to avoid him seeing her smiling.  
“I’m going to count that as the one time you’ve ever admitted I’m right about something.” Somehow he looks even more pleased now, letting out an effortless laugh that is totally adorable. She prays Jake cannot see her blushing.  
“If that helps your self-confidence.”  
“It does, thank you.” They stop at a red light. She can’t help but wonder what would happen if she brought up yesterday right here and now, if she admitted straightforwardly that those undercover kisses were the most magical ones she’s ever had in her life and that right now she would do anything to repeat them. Jake’s expression is unusually inscrutable, his fingers drumming against the steering wheel before he runs one hand through his already messy hair. He doesn’t notice it, but that very action forces Amy to bite her lip to stop herself from almost moaning out loud. Stupid. It’s absurd how attracted she is to him right now. 

 

__**And I don't know how it gets better than this**  
You take my hand and drag me head first  
Fearless  
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance  
In a storm in my best dress  
Fearless  


 

Amy’s mind spins as quick as always, taking her from the silence between the two of them in this car to an imaginative reality where they’re a couple. It’s the same fantasies that kept her up last night. Although they’re not new, they’re a thousand times stronger now, so evident to her. The two of them on an actual date, walking over the Brooklyn Bridge at night-time holding hands and laughing. Him next to her on the couch in her apartment, her head leaning on his shoulder. Making out that starts sweet and casual but ends with the two of them in bed together. Waking up in the morning and finding Jake there. There is a billion of these fantasies by now, re-playing in her head continuously and yet she’s not sick of them. She only wishes they were true, and then she wishes she didn’t wish they were true. They’re colleagues. They shouldn’t be dating. The prospect of ignoring a rule in that way gives her anxiety and dating Jake would mean breaking at least seven of her self-written rules of dating.   
“Thinking of something?” He asks as they begin to drive again, interrupting her train of thought.   
“No!” The blushing worsens, making her feel as if her face is burning.   
“Hmm. If you say so.”

 

__**So baby drive slow**  
Til we run out of road in this one horse town  
I wanna stay right here in this passenger's seat  
You put your eyes on me  
In this moment now capture it remember it 

 

Brooklyn traffic isn’t known for being the most manageable at this hour, and it doesn’t disappoint in delivering what it’s famous for. Jake’s car is moving only a few feet at a time with at least a minute of standing still in between. Amy is in hell, lacking other alternatives than a ton of cars and old candy wrappers beneath her feet to rest her eyes upon when trying to avoid her gaze eventually shifting to Jake. He is still tapping his fingers, muttering something under his breath about how awful traffic is today. Even though she’s more than used to observing him, seeing his nervous ticks and hearing him mutter to himself throughout the day when they’re at their desks opposite each other, it’s like she’s noticing them for the first time. She could write pages in her notepad about all his odd habits and personal quirks, but she never used to care about them earlier. Now only the quiet humming of what she assumes is a Taylor Swift song is enough to make the corners of her mouth move reluctantly upwards.   
“You didn't have anything important after work, did you? Sorry about keeping you stuck in traffic if that was.”  
“No.” She looks over at him only to find him meeting her gaze. “And it’s not your fault. So no need to apologize.”  
“Well, I know how much you hate being late, and I figured you’d likely kill me if I was the reason you were late for your super important Ted talk on I-don't-know-what, so I thought I’d at least apologize before my death.”  
“Jake, it’s fine.” Before she’s able to stop herself she’s finding herself smiling right at him, laughing just a little.  
“Okay. Good.” There is something in his eyes as he returns her smile, a soft and innocent gleam of genuine happiness and pride she recognizes from other instances she’s made him laugh. 

Suddenly she wishes this moment could last forever. She never wants him to stop looking at her like that. 

 

__**Cause I don't know how it gets better than this**  
You take my hand and drag me head first  
Fearless  
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance  
In a storm in my best dress  
Fearless 

 

What if he looked at her like that every single day? What if she could get to wake up to those eyes regarding her that way every morning? What if the undercover kisses and pretend proposal of yesterday could be a reality for them?  
It is a ludicrous idea. She missed her chance with him a while ago, she’s sure he’s moved on by now. Surely there are tons of women out there whose hearts will melt from those eyes. Surely there will be loads of them who Jake would prefer over her.  
Amy has to keep telling herself this, because if she doesn’t she knows she’ll start hoping for another reality, one where they’re dancing around in her living room laughing like two teenagers in love for the first time. She shouldn’t be hoping for that. It’s not realistic. It’s wanting too much, it’s being naïve, and she’s raised to never be naïve because life is full of disappointments if you hope for too much. 

There is too much fear inside her head to dare hope.

 

__****  
Well you stood there with me in the doorway  
my hands shake  
I'm not usually this way but  
You pull me in and I'm a little more brave  
It's the first kiss, it's flawless, really something, it's fearless. 

 

She's so lost in thought she fails to notice when they start driving again, jolting awake from her daydreams only when they eventually arrive outside her apartment, Jake having walked her to the door.   
“So.” His voice has a serious tone to it she rarely hears. “We should probably… talk. About yesterday. If you want to. It kind of feels like we’re avoiding it now, and I don’t want to bring it up if you don’t want to, and it doesn’t have to mean anything, and it’s all fine and I’m okay with being friends and I respect you and…”  
“Jake.” She interrupts his spiraling by putting a hand on his shoulder, her pulse speeding up as he looks at her with that gleam once again. Perhaps her catastrophic thoughts aren’t correct after all? “It was… well, yesterday was nice. Really nice.”  
“Really? Because you’ve been avoiding me for the whole day. You kind of seemed like you’d rather be somewhere else for the entire car ride. And I know I’m stupid to think all those kisses meant something and I know I’m stupid to have been so happy yesterday and...”  
“Jake, please stop talking.” He goes silent, watching her with equal parts confusion and expectation. “Yesterday is the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I just… don’t know how we go from here.”  
“Well, I know you don’t date cops.”  
“Yeah. It’s a bad idea.”   
“Like, really bad.”   
“Ridiculous.”   
“Completely.” Without Amy having noticed how it happened, she realizes they’re standing closer together, and he’s pulling her even closer and their lips are meeting and nobody's looking at them this time and they don’t need it. She’s kissing Jake Peralta out of sheer free will and it’s as if a weight has fallen off her shoulders. She’s a thousand pounds lighter, and the action is simple and she’s kissed guys before but this is something else. This is new and exciting and Jake is great at kissing and she never wants to stop.  
“Let’s count that as our first kiss”, she says when they part, both out of breath and none of them sure about what just happened.  
“Agreed.”

 

__****  
And I don't know how it gets better than this  
You take my hand and drag me head first  
Fearless  
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance  
In a storm in my best dress  
Fearless 

 

It’s a stupid decision, yet she cannot help but think that it may not be all bad.   
Amy Santiago is afraid, but when she’s kissing Jake Peralta she is fearless.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Kudos and comments always makes my day, and feel free to check out other works of mine if you like!


End file.
